i had a wonderful "on plan" day yesterday after my post. i went out to dinner at the macaroni grill and made great choices. i even skipped on the usual glass or two of wine and had only water for a beverage, which i was especially proud of. i used two weekly points. my best day in weeks.

and then i had a case of insomnia, tossing and turning for two hours in bed, gave up trying to sleep at around 3am and binged on a bag of tostitos. it could have been worse- a bag of plain m&m's has actually survived in my apartment for two whole days now. this is me looking at the bright side of every situation. i think it's working.

today was a great day too. went out for thai food and ate less than half of my meal. had a few snacks throughout the later part of the day that were healthy, and for the first time in i don't know how long got in 5 servings of fruits/vegetables. it's almost 10pm and i still have two points left! AND i set a little goal for myself to drink 8 glasses of water today- i'm currently sipping my eighth glass.

a lot of small victories. if i continue to focus on things like this i feel i will be successful.

i'm off to do the ab circle.

revelation

a new week begins today (weight watchers week that is). i gained another pound this week. it's not like i'm eating everything in sight, and everything that i shove into my mouth is awful and unhealthy. i can't understand why if i even deviate slightly from the plan i gain each week. i should be able to eat a few crappy things in a week and not gain from it, shouldn't i??

i am starting to feel desperate. today i am beginning the miami heart institute diet. it is a strict diet that must be followed exactly for 3 days. apparently you are supposed to lose 10 pounds in 3 days, but the last time i did this diet i lost 4 pounds. i also did not follow it perfectly, i added a couple of things and substituted some things. this time i will do the same since i already know that i'm going out to dinner tonight. other than tonight, everything else will be followed perfectly. if i even lose anything i will be happy. i plan on doing this diet again twice more prior to my vacation to boston in three weeks.

ok i'm going to sound like a crazy person, but in the middle of writing this blog i decided to do a little research on the diet. i have discovered that this is a phony diet. on the american heart institute's official website it does not claim any credit for it. it actually goes a step further to denounce it completely. after reading many experiences from people that have tried it, they all say that they gained the weight back almost immediately. now that i think of it, i gained the 4 pounds that i lost back almost right away.

i'm going to eat what i bought for the diet but i'm not going to follow this shit exactly. weight watchers works for me, i need to learn how to stick to what works.

this will be a good week.

today i kept repeating the words "one day at a time" over and over again in my head. it seemed to work until around 3pm. i became increasingly tired and the old feeling of laziness started sweeping in like a black cloud over a sunny day. how do i keep that wonderful burst of motivation that i get in the early hours of my day?

even though i was so tired, i kept pushing forward. i fought with the voice in my head. i told it to shut the fuck up. i didn't accomplish everything i set out to do today, but i did accomplish most of it. the items that i can't cross off my to-do list were not imperative. i can do them at a later time. i feel good about this day.

got my workout in with the ab circle today. i attempted to run in place and do jumping jacks for 10 minutes to round out a 30 minute routine, but my body and mind just weren't up for it. a few days ago i would have said "fuck it" to even moving off of the couch so i consider it a small victory.

it's the little things.

small victory

i went to a bbq at my parent's house tonight because i have family visiting from out of town. i had set a little goal for myself to not go overboard at dinner. i believe that i did well with that goal. i had a small portion of each item placed onto the table, one glass of wine and skipped the crumb cake. overall, a victory.

if i can learn to focus on small victories such as this every single day, i think it will help to keep me on track. i am trying to live my life one day at a time.

very excited because i recieved a new exercise machine today, the ab circle pro. it is completley awesome and i really think it is something i will be able to do for at least a few minutes (or more) each day. i have a hard time sticking to an exercise routine, it has always been harder for me than eating right. i get bored easily, and i don't enjoy working too hard or too long. i like this machine because it promises fast results in a short amount of time. first go at it makes me feel like i didn't waste my money. time will tell...

attempting a positive attitude about the upcoming weigh-in on wednesday. all that i can do is hope for the best at this point, do well tomorrow and see what happens. i'm striving for at least maintaining from last week and not another gain.

the future is now

i started to gain weight at 19-years-old. prior to that age, i was the kind of girl that could eat absolutley anything i wanted and stay thin. i thought i would be that girl for the rest of my life.. i thought very wrong.

i went on a birth control shot and gained 45 pounds in about 6 months. thus began my struggle to lose weight and keep it off. for the past 4 years i have lost, and gained back the same 30 pounds three times. i have become an uncertified expert at the weight watchers plan. i have yet to learn how to make it my lifestyle, and to stop viewing it as a "diet." i now realize that it wasn't just the birth control that derailed my thin figure, but my genes. my dad has struggled with his weight since his 20's, and so have many other members of my family on that side.

this blog will be my positive outlet. this is me taking control of the not-so-great genes that life dealt me.